Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
