I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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