My liver just broke up with me...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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