I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
MIDGETS
????
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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