I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
