Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
