she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
