a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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