Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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