JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
