I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
