oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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