I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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