i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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