Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
