He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
