What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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