she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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