So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
