What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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