Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
