I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
