Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
