I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
