How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
