I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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