Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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