That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
