New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
