im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
