I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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