the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
