the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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