if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
