Christians are straight up FREAKS
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
