What did we do last night that was yellow?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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