Dual....:-)
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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