Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
