My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
