My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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