my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
