I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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