the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
