Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
