Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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