before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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