I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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