david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
