am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
