the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
