dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
