You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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