First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
