Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
