We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
