C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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