I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
