Your dad touched me again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
