Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
