you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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