your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
