Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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