So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
