and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
