She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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