Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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