dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
