So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
