My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
