butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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