You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
