Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
