Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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