she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
